i don’t know why i’m writing today everything seems so blurred for me several days i’ve been thinking about my life my love, my career, my thoughts, my family, my education, every second i spent which bring color to my day sade is singing softly at the background of my writing moment to be honest, this time, i don’t have anything in my mind i just feel that i don’t want to read, study, or doing things i just want to let my mind flows freely, reaching its own nature my room is still at normal temperature, yet it is a little bit cold because of the wind coming from my window my yellowish bulb light is actually bring a warm nuance to my tiny room at university the heat comes from heater helps normalize the room a lot i’m thinking about having someone in my life lately, but again…the taught of energy will be needed of maintaining relationship is somewhat I cannot bare this time 12:56am… yet i haven’t sleep oh I’m dying to get a very good warm hug from I don’t know who just to share my silence, just to share my blank moment I miss him, but I know… I shouldn’t! he is my past and our book had closed I couldn’t stop the memory when we hugged and kissed whenever we wanted to yes, indeed it was not too long ago when we had good times still there’s no good reason to return back God may know what had happened in my life lately Sun, raining, haze, fog, grey, yellow, rainbow, mist, and dark…..shall i say those words to explain my days? I meet lots of nice new friends here, different colors, different background, different nationalities Yet, still I haven’t found the one that I’m waiting for (though I don’t even know whom I’m waiting for and for what reasons) i left you by the house of fun, don’t know why i didn’t come… i wish that i could fly away…catching teardrops in my head.. my dear myself…should I left you drawn in gray and deep sorrow? or should I force you to get up and run? my babies, are you alright there? I miss you both, I wish I could play with you…and hug you okay, i should say bonne nuit for a while…and let the day goes by…